Where do I even begin? How do you tell the story of the many years of mental, physical, emotional and psychological abuse by a Monster? How can I comfort the past ones and possibly save the present and future victims of the Buyer? I guess you start typing…there’s no perfect time, perfect words or perfect path…just speak the raw truth…be vulnerable. If I can survive the Monster, I can do anything. I’ve never written anything for the public to read. I don’t really participate in any social media and only have an account on one sight, but I have never posted anything. Please bear with me…I couldn’t even decide a title as Monster and Buyer are interchangeable as it relates to him so my writing will be amateurish, at best. Maybe writing everyday will be my personal form of therapy, maybe a release of the constant fear that has been my shadow for decades, maybe a way to find some peace, but, most of all, I hope it’s maybe a cautionary tale that could prevent someone else from getting ensnared in the clutches of a Monster or maybe give the strength to someone to escape the hell of a Buyer. So much of this could invoke anger, sadness, incredulousness on the part of the reader and myself, but along the way, I am hopeful that I will find me….the me that used to always smile and make stupid jokes to make people happy and to laugh (well, I laughed at my jokes, so me being funny might be subjective!). With that personal growth, maybe I can make you laugh, too. I will reveal my tragic past that, unfortunately, is still a part of my present and then let it go, let it go, let it go (fortunately for you, this is a blog and you can’t hear me sing that last line!). Still working on this part…to forgive it all for my own peace of mind, but forget just enough to never repeat. The Monster has stolen so much of my soul, but he can’t take my kindness. I am immensely blessed that the more he took of me, the more kind I became to others. Therefore, I have hope for a full recovery. I pray constantly for help with the courage and the strength part. I just need to remember I was a bad ass chick before the Monster. She’s still here…somewhere.
My Monster/Buyer is a male, so I will use he, but this could apply to any and all genders. My Monster is a narcissist with a sense of self-importance that is unmatched. To say he is a sociopath and a psychopath is an understatement. He destroys all in his path. My Buyer has no relationship, of any type, with anyone that he hasn’t purchased and continues to purchase to keep it going. I would be sad and have sympathy that he’s never known if anyone cared about him at all (other than me) or if they were just being rented, but to see the way he uses and discards the people he buys, the sympathy just isn’t there. I will expand on these as we go…just wanted to give a quick description.
Have a sweet sleep!